when inday strikes back

Inday is the generic name for ‘housemaid’. During the 80’s and the 90’s, Inday was personified as a freckled Visayan-speaking young woman who is often the subject of ridicule and slapstick in movies and on television.

This year, Inday rose from the lowly ashes to become one of the most popular virtual celebrities to ever hit the text messaging world. Inday is no longer an illiterate provincial lass but a loquacious English-speaking housemaid ready to face and battle Miriam Defensor-Santiago in any debate.

Here are some of the text jokes:

“A change in the weather patterns might have occurred causing havoc to affected surroundings. The way debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind is going northeast, causing damage to the path it is going…” – sagot ni inday sa amo nang tanungin kung bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod-bahay (Inday’s answer when her Master asked her why there were garbage in the backyard)

Amo: Inday di ba nanood ka ng The Buzz kahapon? Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA7? (Inday, you’ve seen The Buzz yesterday, right? Why did Angel Locsin leave GMA7?)
Inday: Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they’ll stay. Leaving can be a tough act and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for doing so.

Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglesira ka… would you please purchase many fishes for our this week’s meals?
Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term “fishes”, although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traveresed the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day’s catch? (Pauses) Aaah… by manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this houshold’s quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple “galewng-gowng”. Am I correct?
Amo: Leche!
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the “ba-ngooz” is it!

“La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor?” – si Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa España (Inday trying to bargain when she went to Spain with her Master)

*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red avriety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive olive
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday (Junior’s lunch prepared by Inday)

“Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!” – reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia (Inday’s reaction while frying tilapia)

“Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market.” – banat ni Inday kung bakit walang “kangkong” sa nilutong sinigang (Inday explains why there’s no chinese spinach in her ‘sinigang’)

“Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the “oriza sativa” which is the scientific name of rice to change its state of color, smell as well as the taste.”- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing (Inday’s explanation why the rice is burnt[?]/burned[?])

“Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!”- si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate… (Inday while shoving a beggar away)

“Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.” – sagot ni Inday nung tanungin ni Sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior (Inday explains when asked by her master why Junior has rashes)

“Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.” – sagot ni Inday nung tanungin kung bakit may bukol si Junior (Inday’s answer when asked by her master about why Junior has a lump on his forehead)

Dear Mom,

Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never lot being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.

Your daughter,
Inday”

“Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

Tatay”

“Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.” – sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff (Inday requests for a day off)

“I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This in accordance with PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and Equipment, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets!” – sagot ni Inday kung bakit niya binenta ang sirang silya (Inday answers why she sold her master’s defective chair)

“Guess what? The not-so stunning guys keeps on staring at my newly manicured nails while the copy-cat-freaks envy my stylish cut mane. Unfortunately after a great day at the spa, I’ve to step on this muddy and stinking place just to purchase some veggies!” – si Inday, nakikipagchikahan sa tindera sa palengke (Inday in the wet market)

“I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifest, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from…” Inday… hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick (Inday can’t sleep because of homesickness)

“I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance.”- Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niya (Inday looks out of the window while thinking of her boyfriend Dodong)

“The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!” – ganito nakipagbreak si Inday kay Dodong [driver ng kapitbahay] (Inday breaks up with Dodong)

Dear Ma’am/Sir:

I hereby tender my irrevocable resignation as your employee effective today. It has been a pleasant stay in your domicile, but owing to personal reasons I am compelled to move on. I would like to thank you and your good management for the wonderful experience accorded to me during my stay.

Yours truly,
Inday

“I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools , and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of work that you want. My creativity, productivity and work efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.” – sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago niyang amo (Inday in an interview with her new employer)

22 thoughts on “when inday strikes back

  1. Hi there,

    Your site is pretty interesting and i was really captured by the quotes that you added here. If its alright with you, i would really appreciate it if you could tell me who wrote them. I am interested of getting the book for myself to read it.
    “I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifest, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from.”

    “I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance.”

    “The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!”

  2. Call me mababaw, I don`t care na. =)) This made me laugh so hard. =)) Apr 30, ’08 10:35 AM
    for everyone
    It was jazz an ordinary day.

    The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw!
    Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman
    nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe,
    andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin
    ako.

    Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: “Indaaaayyyy. …..”

    Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?

    “Dodong!” sigaw ko.

    Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to
    their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be
    loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo
    kami from the crowd.

    “Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? tanong nya.

    “Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh”
    sabi ko.

    Memor ies came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong?
    Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. he’s
    every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate
    noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa
    ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after
    that were not an item anymore.

    “Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni
    Dodong. “I don’t mine” sagot ko.

    Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?”
    sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

    “Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong.

    “Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of
    boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat
    of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial
    and error and was completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad
    feeling fully” dagdag ni ya.

    “And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin.

    Hmmm… mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my
    carbon kaya pinigilan ko.

    “I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh.” sagot ko.

    Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is
    going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long way to run.

    “Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact,
    I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko.

    “Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still
    have more feelings than I expected. i don’t want you getting the way.
    Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa.

    Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The
    seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na
    rin sya. “I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.

    Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To
    think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to fart.

    Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having
    panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo.
    Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita
    ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

    “Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard.

    “Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya.

    “Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got
    lost in my eyes.”

    “Diretso lang.” sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.”

    “Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko.

    Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something
    peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying
    static lang pala kanina ang pag disappear nya.

    “Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you
    go, there you are!” pananakot nya.

    Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world
    started falling afar.

    Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In
    the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way.

    “Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi
    niya: “I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you
    shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko
    kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know
    something is a missed.”

    From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even
    sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.

    Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa
    ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t-isa at walang exhibitions. i feel I’m on
    cloud.

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