read this or you’re dead!

This is about the Philippines. Get a hard laugh. Or be disturbed. Whatever is more appropriate. Thanks Kirkay for this site. Some excerpts:

Capital Smokey Mountain Manila

Largest City Payatas Dumpsite Quezon City

Population 1.5 billion, and counting 69% Gay (Fags & Butches), 18% Bisexual/Bi-Curious, 10% Korean, 2% Metrosexual , 0.75% Female, 0.25% Male

Government Bayad muna bago baba, Barya lang po sa Umaga

Fuehrer Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo

Vice-Fuehrer Noli “me speaka no english” De Castro

Top Politicians Prospero Pichay, Manny Pacquiao, Eddie Gil

Independence What independence?

National Hero Manny Pacquiao, Raganciano Kapitapitagan Junior

National Languages La Salle Taft Coñospeak, Arrneow Lingo, TaGAYlog, Salitang-kalye, Squatter, Tadbaliks, Gay Lingo Chuva Chenes

Currency Galunggong Tuyo

Religions Roman Catholicism, Islam, Ang Dating Daan, Iglesia ni Cristo, El Shaddai, Born Again, Pacquiaoism, Wowowee-ism

Top Universities School of Hard Knocks, University of the Belt, University of Recto (Insta-graduate!)

University with the Lowest IQ De La Salle University Manila & Ateneo de Manila University (its a tie!!!)

Official Student’s Meal 4 pcs siomai + rice + extra rice + more extra rice + even more extra rice

National Martial arts BURNIK FIST (bara-barang suntukan)

Official Ringtone Itaktak mo!, Boom-Tarat-tarat

Official Videogame Istarkrapt, Kawnter-Strayk, Ragnarock, DOTA, Grand_Theft_Auto:_Philippines, Hap Layp, Nigga Stole Mah Bike

Official Boy Bands Cueshe, Hale, Chicosci, 6 Cycle Mind

Gay Icons Sam Milby, Piolo Pascual, Boy Abunda, Kris Aquino, Paco Arespacochaga, Rey Pumaloy, Mama Monchang, and the list goes on…

Official Mascot Jollibee

Retardedest Province Sulu – the decapitation capital of the world (thanks to our export quality Muslim Terrorists in Mindanao)

Official Terrorist Group Department of InJustice, Abu Sayyaf, Bandana Gang, Ipasabog ang Bomba group, Sundot Puke Gang

Top Pirated Softwares I-pod, Windows Xp SP3 with MAC OS TIGER bootability (wtf!?), JUST NEW = Windows Vista Secuirty pack 1.000009

Favorite Filipino Hobbies Participating in “paid” Rallies, KARAOKE!, Watching Naruto, Surfing Friendster, Exercising finger/s thru Texting, Finding new Pirated DVDs

Famous Bars Planet Cubao Jakol Club, Kantutan sa kalye KTV and bar, Bangbang-Ali, Lanai, Tiririt, Stealing Heaven, Air Force 1, Chicos, MACHO-POP

Best Rip-off of the Year Captain Smallville Barbell

There exists two subcultures in this race, the “coños” (a name for the pinoy bourgeoisie, it actually means “cunt” in Spanish. Yeah you know, pink tacos, pussy, pink hole, etc.) and the “jologs”.

The coños flaunt their superficiality through extravagant lifestyles and kissing American capitalism’s ass. Examples of such are Tim Yap, Tessa Prieto Valdez, Kris Aquino and all the Zobels, Ayalas, Elizaldes, Cojuancos, Madrigals and the Aranetas that walk the face of the earth. Their vocabulary includes using the word “like” and “prrrrang” (two separate words, usually used together… “like… prrrang… um… like… prrrang… uh, like yeah, that one…”). Do not forget the “you know” plus “kase eh”, then it becomes “like… prrrang.. um like you know kase eh… uhm you know? like, like that oh?”.

And then there are the “jologs” or the masses, who want to be like the coños but can’t because of the poverty and corruption. What can I say, coños can be hogs sometimes. Their wardrobe consists of third world coño-wannabe shirts that have (intentionally?) bad spelling, ie. Mike (Nike), Gutshy (Gucci), Praba (Prada), Skaters (Skechers), Havanas (havaianas) etc. (The list goes on, thanks to the enterprising Chinese proprietors also known as the Tokwas)

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