dahil emo habang bagyo

Ano ba ang pinakamalaking joke na pwedeng mangyari sa buhay mo?

Yung papaniwalain mo ang isang tao na mahal na mahal mo siya.  Hindi ka naging masaya kasama siya.  Tapos nang maghiwalay kayo, akala mo walang epekto sa’yo.  Pero malaman-laman mo na lang, nasasaktan ka ngayong wala na siya dahil mahal mo na pala ang taong dati di nag-i-exist para sa’yo.

O di kaya, pinagpupustahan mo ang isang tao kasama ng mga barkada mo.  Trip lang, kasi bored ka sa buhay mo.  Isang large na pizza sa isang Italian Restaurant lang ang ililibre ng matatalo.  Susuyuin mo siya, kunwari totoo ka sa kanya.  Naging kayo.  Nanalo ka sa pustahan.  Tapos magigising ka na lang isang umaga, hinahanap-hanap mo na siya.  Minahal mo na siya.  Pero nalaman mo na ikaw pala ang pinagpustahan ng barkada niya.

Pinakamalaking jowk kaya ‘yung mahalin mo ang taong alam mong di bagay sa’yo.  Para sa kanya, hangin ka lang.  Nararamdaman pero hindi nakikita.  Imbisibol.  Andyan dahil kailangan LANG sa paghinga.  O, tae.  Naaamoy pero di pwedeng hawakan, nakakadiring tingnan.  Pero para sa ‘yo langit siya.  Ngunit di naman mangyayari kailanman yung konseptong happy ending dahil para sa kanya, ang term na “magiging isa tayong dalawa” ay hindi niya maiisip dahil ang mahal niya ay iba.

Jowk din ba ‘yung mamahalin ka ng taong di mo gusto?  Anlaki ng pagtataka mo kung anong formalin ang pinakain mo sa kanya at baliw na baliw siya sa’yo.  ‘Yun bang pati ang galaxy ibibigay sa’yo basta mahalin mo lang siya?  O, at least, kahit effort lang na magkunwari kang mahal mo siya.  Pero anuman ang mangyari, sa ilang libong reincarnation niyong dalawa sa mundo (mula sa pagiging ipis hanggang pagiging harina), kahit pagpapanggap di mo magawa kasi wala ka talagang nararamdaman para sa kanya?

Pa’no pa kung naglalaro lang kayong dalawa.  Naging kayo kasi friends with benefits ang turing niyo sa isa’t isa.  Libugan lang sa mga panahong grabe ang pangangati ng katawan.  Tapos naramdaman mo na lang bigla, para sa’yo ang laro, totoo na pala.  Alam mong wala kang mapapala dahil nilabag mo ang batas ng laro at hindi niya kayang humiwalang sa  modang paglalaro dahil ang sex object ay para sa kama lang. 

Mas nakakatawang jowk ba yung mainlove ka sa taong di mo pa nakikita.  Yun bang birtwal lang ang pagkatao niya bilang bahagi ng mundo ng chatroom at teknolohiya ng text na nag-iexist sa isang universe na hindi mo maabot.  Wala kang katibayan sa katotohanan ng pagkatao niya pero pakiramdam mo, mahal na mahal mo siya dahil siya na ang taong pasok sa halos lahat ng kategorya ng inaasam mong perfect someone?  At pag nagkita na kayo, malulugmok ang mundo mo hindi pala siya ang taong sinasabi niyang SIYA sa lahat ng pag-uusap niyo. Umexpect ka lang ng abot langit para sa taong walang mukha at ang pagkahulog mula dito ay isang napakabilis na pagharurot paibaba.  Isang dagok na mangyayari kahit hindi mo pa inabot ang lupa.

Eh….may mas joke pa ba sa isang pagmamahal na di mo masabi dahil para sa kanya, ika’y isang kaibigan o kaklase?  O worse, isang estranghero lang?

80 Favorites Films (#70-66)

Incidentally, this is a romcom group except for ‘Super B’. See also (80-76) and (75-71).

70. SUPER B (2002)

Director: Joyce Bernal
Starring: Rufa Mae Quinto, Marvin Agustin, Melanie Marquez, Mylene Dizon, Troy Montero

Quotable quote: “Todo na ‘to..” “Kanya-kanya na ‘to…”

Plotline: Bi is given a powerful ring by her suitor Lord that activates if worn by the right person. Eventually, Bi finds herself saving the world from the evil plans of influential celebrities known as the Flower Pot Girls.

Though her films are considered shallow and senseless by the intellectual and economic elite that label those who watch them as ‘jologs’ (in its most inhuman connotation), I still say Direk Joyce is an auteur. Her strength as a filmmaker is her colloquial sense of humor and parody. In her films, she mocks the same elitist audience that dislikes her style and does it in a manner that’s campy by utilizing dumb characters especially in her movies with Rufa Mae. By watching her films, the ‘jologs’ audience have the chance to laugh at those people who believe their intelligence quotient is way, way higher than them.

Favorite scene: Ruffa Mae, in her first transformation from Bi to Super B, twists her head 360 degrees, 100 times and spits out green mucus ala The Exorcist. Also, when Super B gets the chance to face the Flower Pot Girls, the villains out of spite, cartwheels from Monumento to Luneta. Super B chases them by cartwheeling too.

Note: I find ‘Booba’ funny too especially the last scene where John Estrada is in the hospital. Rufa Mae visits her and after proclaiming love for each other, Ruffa Mae faces the camera and says “theme song naman dyan…” and sings “Kailangan ko’y ikaw” in her usual hilarious Rufa Mae self.

69. MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING (1997)

” Julianne fell in love with her best friend
the day he decided to marry someone else.”

Director: P. J. Hogan
Starring: Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Rupert Everett, Cameron Diaz

Theme Song: Say a little prayer – Diana King

Quotable quote: “Michael… I love you. I’ve loved you for nine years, I’ve just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and… well, now I’m just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn’t it?”

Plotline: Julianne fell in love with her best friend the day he decided to marry someone else.

Who doesn’t love My Best Friend’s Wedding? Around 1.5 per cent of the population, I guess. The film created another definition of ‘happy ending’.

Favorite scene: Tourboat scene where Julianne sheds a tear; Kimmy and Julianne’s confrontation in the public rest room with the other ladies watching and reacting in perfect synchronized harmony; George and Julianne dance at the wedding reception.

68. 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (1999)

” How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.”

Director: Gil Junger
Starring: Heath Ledger, Julia Stiles, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Larisa Oleynik

Theme song: I want you to want me – Letters to Cleo

Quotable Quote: “I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.”

Plotline: A remake of the classic Shakespare play “The Taming of the Shrew.”, set in a modern day highschool.

So this film ends with a prom (like almost every soap opera and love story ends in a wedding) but what the heck, I love Julia Stiles. She is not effing strikingly beautiful but she’s loveable and very effective as a social disaster. She and Heath have a great chemistry together. Makes you want to fall in love right after seeing this film.

Favorite scene: Heath Ledger sings “Can’t take my eyes of you”.

67. FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL (1994)

” He’s quite engaging. She’s otherwise engaged.”

Director: Mike Newell
Starring: Hugh Grant, Andie McDowell, Simon Callow, Kristin Scott Thomas

Theme song: Love is all around – Wet Wet Wet

Plotline: The film follows the fortunes of Charles and his friends as they wonder if they will every find true love and marry. Charles thinks he’s found “Miss Right” in Carrie, an American. This British subtle comedy revolves around Charlie, his friends and the four weddings and one funeral which they attend.

Argh. So much about one-way chickens and the frustration of attending a wedding ceremony wishing you’re the one facing the altar. Hugh Grant is very adorable in his stuttering mode. And this is the first British film I’ve seen.

Favorite scene: Henrietta confesses her love for Charles but Charles doesn’t love her (eventually marries her because of desperation). Later that night, Gareth dies of heart attack at the party.

66. WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING (1995)

“A story about love at second sight.”

Director: John Turteltaub
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Bill Pullman, Peter Gallagher

Plotline: Ticket collecting romantic pretends to be engaged to an unconscious man but can’t fool his brother.

I remember I was so smitten by Bill Pullman though I’ve seen this after I got burned by his hotness in Independence Day. Just so lovely to think about being mistaken as a coma patient’s fiancee and falling in love with his brother in the process. I want to watch this film the second time I’ve already forgotten the scenes. Still, I found it funny and romantic the first time.

zombie day one

Haven’t slept yet since I spent almost 30 hours at Ricky Lee’s library editing Karl’s thesis. I am definitely not a bookworm but Sir Ricky’s book collection is so [out of adjective] I wanna stay there to read, read and.. sleep. I can imagine how wet the library’s banig and throw pillows will be with my drool taking for consideration my sleep deprivation.

In a little while, I’m going to Cubao for the ‘Nars’ 4am call time. This will go on for seven not-so-distant days to come. No, Caloi. I’m not killing myself. Just that, when projects rain, I become a masochist.

Been to Friday Film Bar at the Bernal Gallery in UP even early this evening [proof of attendance aka pictures coming soon courtesy of UP Cinema official camwhore, Eda]. ‘Todo Todo Terros’ by John Torres and Mark dela Cruz’ short Misteryo ng Hapis were shown. Congrats by the way ate Makoy for that Urian nomination. [so don’t whine now!] Cynthia Alexander also played.

The great Astro Bautista [indie’s star and soon to be mainstream world’s rising star] crashed the show, actually, cracked his usual antics and made us laugh I couldn’t laugh anymore. Alright, former thesis adviser Astro, thanks for proclaiming that I’m your [most, actually ONLY] favorite gay student in UP. Woohoo. Thanks for that pedestal, Sir. And being the person that you are, I know that accolade lasted only for as long as I was visible to you. Hurhur.

I had a blast after you asked Gavs if she’s lesbo, though.

Wait, this is the part where I’m supposed to be whining. But why should I when Cynthia Alexander’s voice still rings in my empty head? Gotta go.

back to

Right after the blood-drying exhaustion of editing ‘Tirador’ and ‘Sinungaling na Buwan’, I decided to take a break. An almost two-month hiatus that made me anti-social, a lazy retard and a blog addict.

Finally, I’m getting out of the house and I’m a raketista again. I’ll start editing Karl’s thesis later. For the next three days, buhbhye sleep. I hope I’ll do justice to his ‘Portrait of the Filipino as a Filmmaker’.

I have started with the casting for Raya Martin’s next feature. By Saturday, I’ll be a slave a.k.a. Script Continuity for Adolf Alix’s new feature (Adolf’s Donsol is RP’s entry to next year’s Oscars by the way. Grabe ka, Adolf. *aktong hinimatay*). And by October, I’ll be in Batanes the whole month for an Iza Calzado starrer. I’m gonna meet Iza!!! Woohoo.

Good thing I’m working my ass off again. I’m going to miss my bed for sure. And blogging for sure. And myself for sure.

During the two months’ break, I never got to finish that script I’ve been trying to write. I never got to start it in the first place! My new thesis concept is still a piece of idea and my tummy is a few inches wider. Damn, how sloth got the hell of me.

I’m gonna work again and my ass refuses to move out of my bed. Karl.. can we meet up at 5pm later instead? Hehe.

whining phoenix

Forty-five days ago, I was delusional.  I was broke, choked.  I had no beer nor candy.  The night was cold, my hands were empty.  I traveled to Neptune, came back swimming.  I was drowned in fart.

Thirty days ago, I got drunk while on some plane.  I got home and snored ’till I snored no more.  The smoke from the green mosquito coil entered my dirty nostrils, my uncle screams “My Way”.  I ate tuna and fresh veggies and drank milk while looking at myself in the mirror.  I realized how black the sky was when the rain poured as my back kissed the wet grass.  I slept with my fat cat and that made me soulless.  I thought of baking a cake while wanting to kill someone.  I learned how to play “You’re Beautiful” on the guitar while longing to have sex.

Twenty-five days ago, I held my video camera.  A case of beer is consumed, my stomach aches for the smell of fruit salad. I texted my high school classmate and I wasted my time. I went to a park, felt numb and the lights blinded my eager eyes.  I was alone and wanting to poison the several pairs of lovebirds infront of me.

Twenty-four days ago, I suddenly broke down and saw my world turn gray.  I slouched and forced to cry while thinking of old age ahead.  I ate too much and choked with water.  I deceived my friends and I never felt too cheesy.

Fifteen days ago, I almost gave up but thoughts consumed my mind.  I never ran out of idea but I ran out of love.  I couldn’t sing about love but it conquered my heart.

Ten days ago, I knew new friends and I was broke, choked.  I had beer and candy.  The night was cold, my hands were dirty.  I traveled to Neptune, came back flying.  I was drowned in muck.

Five days ago, I got drunk while sleeping. I watched my favorite movie for a thousandth time, I never felt more foolish.  I got home, snored ’till I snored no more and the vampires couldn’t be as blissful.  I felt alone and the voices were there to haunt me.

A day ago, I got dumbfounded in the middle of a heavy load. My eyes were glued on the idiot box but there were no more tuna nor fresh veggies nor milk while looking at myself in the mirror.  I realized the moon could be so beautiful when the sky is black but there was no wet grass to kiss my back.  I thought of sleeping with my fat cat and that made me soulless.  I thought of baking a cake but I remembered I had no burner.  I played “You’re Beautiful” on the guitar while having sex was the last thing in mind.

An hour ago, I wasn’t doing anything.  I was delusional, broke, choked, foolish, ecstatic, nostalgic, sleeping, empty.

80 Favorite Films (#75-71)

See Numbers 80 – 76 HERE.

75. BATMAN RETURNS (1992)

“The Bat, the Cat, the Penguin.”

Director: Tim Burton
Starring: Michael Keaton, Danny de Vito, Michelle Pfeiffer

Theme Song: Face to face – Siouxiee and the Banshees and Danny Elfman

Plotline: Gotham City faces two monstrous criminal menaces: the bizarre, sinister Penguin and the slinky, mysterious Catwoman. Can Batman battle two formidable foes at once? Especially when one wants to be mayor and the other is romantically attracted to Gotham’s hero?

This is the best Batman movie ever! Me and Patring used to fight over who is the real catwoman. Meow. Michelle Pfeiffer is so fatally seductive you’re going to fall for her when she says “Be gentle.. It’s my first time”. Or when she uses her femininity after Batman hits her in a fight on a building rooftop.. “How could you? I’m a woman!” This dark portrayal of Gotham City can only be pulled off my Tim Burton. The greed of Penguin and the egomaniac businesmman Shreck who pushed Selina to the window after saying “Did you know what curiosity did to the cat?” and Michael Keaton’s lips and eyes are so sexy behind the mask I can feel the eroticism between the Cape Crusader and Catwoman! Dark. Very dark.

Favorite scene: Catwoman enters a department store, whips everything she sees, sets the gaspipe on, caterwauls out of the building towards Batman and Penguin who are currently having a confrontation. The store blows and she says “Meow”.

74. DOG DAY AFTERNOON (1975)

“The robbery should have taken 10 minutes. 4 hours later, the bank was like a circus sideshow. 8 hours later, it was the hottest thing on live T.V. 12 hours later, it was all history. And it’s all true.”

Director: Sidney Lumet
Starring: Al Pacino, John Cazale, Chris Sarandon, Charles Durning
Quotable Quote: “Attica! Attica!”

Plotline: It’s a robbery and hostage drama gone wrong. A man robs a bank to pay for his lover’s operation; it turns into a hostage situation and a media circus.

I just stumbled upon the dvd of ‘Dog Day Afternoon’ in Quiapo a few years back and didn’t watch it until a few months after when I was bored to death. Turns out, I like the film because it is fun in a not so fun sort of way. Based on an actual event, ‘Dog Day’ justifies the crime Sonny (Al Pacino) and Sal (John Cazale) made without really justifying at all. That’s sort of an unclear statement but I think the point is there. And to know that Sonny robbed the bank for the sex operation of his lover. Wow. Not to mention, Sonny has a wife and children. All throughout the film, I feel for airhead Sal who follows everything Sonny tells him even up to his death in the airport.

Favorite scene: Agent Murphy shoots Sal in the head. The ending shows Sonny looking at Sal’s dead body being taken from the car to a stretcher. Sad.

73. BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM (2002)

” Who wants to cook Aloo Gobi
when you can bend a ball like Beckham?”

Director: Gurinder Chadha
Starring: Parminder Nagra, Keira Knightley, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Shaznay Lewis

Plotline: A tale of two young London women from different backgrounds who share an aptitude for football (soccer) and pressure from their families to conform. One is a British Indian Sikh girl who struggles against her family’s orthodox mindset to fulfill her dream of playing professional football; the other is a white girl who has to combat her mother’s stereotypes about athletic prowess and lesbianism.

Back in UP, my classmates were raving about this film. It’s a coming-of-age story of going for your dreams and nonconformity. It has the usual formula of light romantic comedy and energetic youth film but what the heck where the main character does what she wants despite her parents’ resistance. True to its nonconformist theme, the fathers of the two girls are the ones who are very supportive of their dreams to play football while both of their mothers insist on living with tradition. This film was made in an era before Keira Knightley became a vixen.

Favorite scene: After her father gives his permission, Jess skips her sister’s wedding party and plays football instead.

72. RAGING BULL (1980)

Director: Martin Scorcese
Starring: Robert de Niro, Joe Pesci, Cathy Moriarty, FrankVincent

Quotable Quote: “I’m gonna open his hole like this. Please excuse my French. I’m gonna make him suffer. I’m gonna make his mother wish she never had him – make him into dog meat… He’s a nice, a nice kid. He’s a pretty kid, too. I mean I don’t know, I gotta problem if I should fuck him or fight him.”

Plotline: An emotionally self-destructive boxer’s journey through life, as the violence and temper that leads him to the top in the ring, destroys his life outside it.

Compared to “Rocky”, this is a slow film shot in black and white, an allusion to the self-destructive nature of its protagonist, Jake La Motta. The boxer is a bull in the ring, as well as in real life. He is irrational, beats his blonde wife and almost kills his brother. Despite its pace, boredom is not even in place. Well-directed, the film doesn’t castigate Jake La Motta nor worship him. The ending doesn’t even make me feel compassion nor detachment towards him. He’s there, a man wanting to be great but self-destruct in the process. The transformation of Robert de Niro in this film is amazing. And yes, this is way, way better than ‘The Departed’.

Favorite scenes: Paranoid that his wife Vicki has an affair with his brother Joey, he beats her and in the next shot, Jake storms at Joey’s house and beats him wildly. Near the ending, Jake pursues Joey and tries to make amends. Joey ignores him but Jake insists, giving the former a tight hug that Joey doesn’t reciprocate warmly.

71. CLUELESS (1995)

” Sex. Clothes. Popularity. Is there a problem here?”

Director: Amy Heckerling
Starring: Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash, Brittany Murphy, Paul Rudd, Elisa Donovan, Donald Faison

Quotable Quote: “Duh! As if!”

Theme Song: I’m Gonna Be A Supermodel – Jill Sobule

Plotline: Jane Austen’s Emma meets Beverley Hills 90210 in US West Coast teen lifestyle parody.

Alicia Silverstone was thin and Britanny Murphy was fat. And not blonde. ‘Clueless’ is an iconic film that paved the way for youth flicks thereafter. It’s a portrayal of the 90s generation like what ‘Rebel Without A Cause’ did in the ’50s, ‘West Side Story’ in the 60s, ‘Grease’ in the 70s and ‘Breakfast Club’ and ‘St. Elmo’s Fire’ in the 80s. It’s like the portrayal of the ovah-rich kids of Beverly Hills where the only solution to their problems is shopping. And more shopping. At that time when gadgets can only be bought by the ovah-rich, the characters in ‘Clueless’ had cellphones THIS small. Imagine, that was 1995! I just love this film. And oh, Josh and Cher look good together!

Favorite scene: Mr. Hall and Ms. Geist’s wedding. Buwahahaha.

Soon: Numbers 70 – 66.

References: http://www.imdb.com; http://www.wikipedia.org; http://www.movieposter.com

balian ng buto sa uaap cheerdance

Sabihin na nating ang salitang ‘innovation’ ay nag-aapply lang sa UP Pep Squad. Let me rephrase that: ang UP Pep Squad lang ang nakakapag-execute ng salitang ‘innnovation’ at ‘reinvention’ ng may hustisya.

After five loooong years, eto na. Champion na uli ang mga iskolar ng bayan sa UAAP Cheerdance Competition. Grabe lang. Pagkatapos mabalahura ang UP Pep noong 2005 (tingnan sa baba ang patunay) kung saan dapat sila ang nagchampion (apparently, hindi), eto na, bawing-bawi na ang paghihintay. Parang Waiting for Godot, ang kaibahan nga lang, me peyrnes pa rin pala ang mga bagay-bagay.

Sabihin na lang nating ang cheerdance ay isang konsepto ng pahirapan ng stunts at mga routine na hindi halatang nirecycle at kinopya (hindi kasali sa sinasabi kong ito ang mga required stunts). Hindi lang ito contest ng paulit-ulit na presentation bawat taon na mukhang bago lang dahil iniba lang ang formation at costume. Para rin itong karinderya no! Dapat laging me nakaka-waw na putahe, bago sa paningin at pang-amoy. At yun ang laging inooffer ng UP Pep.

Ewan ko ba. Habang ang UP Pep ay nakapaglakbay na sa pang-sampung planeta lampas ng Pluto, yung iba, nasa mundo pa rin ng tao, nagkaka-hepa. (At sino ang makakalimot sa malaking, malaking banner na nagsusumigaw ng ‘UP ako, ikaw?’ nung isang taon sa Araneta. Ito ang tinatawag na ‘bitter pero witty’.)

This year, mukhang nag-improve na ng milya-milya ang ibang schools. Grabe lang ang impluwensiya ni Edu Manzano sa popular culture dahil sa kanyang ‘Papaya Song’ pero mukhang ang DLSU na yata ang may pinakakyut na execution ng (ready…) turururut…. turururut…. Kumusta naman ang green afro na ginawang pompoms at ang ‘Al Lasalle’. Yeah.

Oo, Jerwin. Sinabi ko talagang hindi tumayo ang balahibo ko habang pinapanood ang UP Pep sa tv kanina. Dahil hindi naman talaga. Hinahanap ko lang siguro ang routine na makakapagpatambling sakin, yung mas wow pa sa ginawa nila sa kanilang synchronized swimming stunt dati. Kasi alam naman nating hindi na uulitin ng Pep yun di ba (inuulit na lang ng ibang schools… buwahaha).

Pero, oo. Maganda pa rin ang routine ng Pep ngayon. Malinis. Pulido. At inexecute nila ang pyramid na ginawa rin nila sa 2007 National Cheerleading Championship (hindi sumali o nakasali ang Uste dun… gusto kong isipin na hindi ‘nakasali’). Ayus yung pyramid na yun. Kahit anong isuot na costume ng UP Pep, anggaling pa rin nila. UP Rocks talaga, sabi sa finale!

Tapos, anggaling ng FEU. Woohoo ang synchronization nila. Malinis naman tingnan ang costume. Threat ito. Tumahimik ang buong UP side. Sabay-sabay ata dumadagundong ang kaba ng mga Isko at Iska sa Araneta. Oo, nakita na natin dati ang mga stunts na ginawa nila kanina pero dahil malinis, pakshet, nakakakaba pa rin.

At pagkatapos, nag-intermission number ang NU.

Ang Adamson, ayun, namalikmata pa ako. Akala ko tuloy, mas magaling pa sila sa UP kasi me konsepto pa sila ng rotation at helicopter lift o kung anuman ang tawag dun. Sige, go Adamson. Pero binawi ko rin pagkatapos nila magperform. Mas magaling pa rin pala ang UP.

Tapos, eto na. Nagmamaganda na ang courtside reporter ng Uste. (Namiss ko tuloy si Gretch Fullido. Hi, Greta!)

Tsa-champion daw sila uli, sabi ng reporter. Sige, kick for six lang kayo diyan. At magchant kayo ng “gooooo-usteeee…” habang pinapaikot-ikot ang dilaw na hotdog lobo. Payn. May budget kayo para sa lobo.

At lumabas na ang mga higanteng bubuyog. Itim na mga bubuyoooooog! Huwaaaaaahhhh… Mommy, mommy! may higanteng mga bubuyog sa Aranetaaaa… Waaaaah… (Iniimagine ko ito na si Bolitas ang umi-execute ng linya). Parang isang eksena sa Darna and the Giants and/or Darna at ang mga Babaeng Tuod. Mommmy.. Mommy… me higanteng bubuyog.. o, shadap na.

Isang hirit na lang: Asan ang queen bee?

Eto na, mumub-on na. Grabe lang ang hiyaw ng mga Isko’t Iska nung me bumagsak na pyramid o. Grabe, ang evil lang. Pero nga naman, simpleng pyramid, di pa maayos. Oo, bumagsak din ang ginawang pyramid ng UP Pep nung 2003 pero antaas nun at lalake pa ang binuhat. Oo na. Juma-justify.

Anyway, ang mga higanteng itim na bubuyog ay di na masyadong nagsasayaw tulad ng mga ibinalandra nila nung mga nakaraang taon. Aminin na nating ang ‘dance’ sa compound word na ‘cheerdance’ ang kanilang forte. At maganda silang tingnan dahil syncrhonized sila pag sumasayaw habang suot-suot ang kanilang dominantly-yellow na uniforms na aminin uli natin, maganda tlaga ang symmetry ng mga lining (redundant na ata…parang lang). Malaki ang factor nito sa naging impact ng overall performance nila.

Pero this year, ang mga naninilaw na uniforms ay naging mga higanteng itim na bubuyog. Umeport sila sa pagreinvent ng kanilang mga sarili, routines at stunts. Pressure nga naman ang ‘kick for six’ di ba. Sa kanilang bagong hitsura, umeport sila ngayon sa lifting, tambling at kung anu-ano pang mga bagay-bagay na aminin uli natin, nakita na nating ginawa na nila noong mga nakaraang taon. Sayang nga lang na hindi na nila isinali ang helicopter/rotation lifts nila kasi masyado nga namang halata yun.

Nung inilabas nila ang mga dilaw na wigs.. Waaaaaah. Akala ko, andyan na uli si Queen Femina. Hinintay ko ang paglabas ng higanteng palaka na anytime pwedeng lamunin ang buong Araneta. Sino kaya sa mga baklang paminta dun sa Araneta ang sisigaw ng Zaaatuuuurrnnnneeeehhhhh!

Kung lalagyan ko ng thought bubble ang tig-iisa sa mga nagsasayaw na bubuyog (parang sa komiks), siguro iisa ang sinasabi nila (kunwari ako ang gumawa ng script)… “wala na kaming maipakitang iba.. wala na kaming maihaing bago… kaya, pagtiisan niyo na ‘to.” Buti na lang ang UP Pep, kahit laging 2nd for the past five years, di nawawalan ng bagong pinapakita. Yan ang thinking ahead!

Nung nagperform ang mga bubuyog, nagkulay itim ang sahig ng Araneta. Gusto ko na tuloy maniwala na ang kulay itim ay pang-luksa lang.

At dun na natapos ang kumpetisyon.

Ay, meron pa pala. Sumunod na ang UE. Na oo. Ang hot nung dancer sa intro nila. Wuy, kung sino ka man, magpakilala ka. (naka-bold ang font). Ancute din ng uniform ng UE. Nag-improve ang ginawa nilang routine. Malinis naman. Pero bakit parang walang ‘wow’ factor? Ah…baka sa uniform.

At ang ADMU, huwaw. Panggulat ah. Naging maayos naman kahit papano. Go ADMU. Andaming gwapo sa inyo. Sabi ni Caloi, magtaka ka Bebs kung walang gwapo dun. Sige, andami ngang gwapo dun! Ai, cheerdance pala ‘tong entry na to.

Bakit ang karamihan sa ibang mga eskwelahan, laging me common denominator every year? Dalawa o tatlo ang laging me parehong formula. Di nagmimintis yan. Great minds think alike ba talaga? O same minds think alike? Andaming gumawa ng ‘papaya dance’. Tapos nagmodang wig pa ang Al Salle at Uste. Ai, wonga. Baka nga same minds think alike.

Nung mag-anawnsment na, tinawag na 2nd Runner-up ang FEU. Huwaaaat? Angganda pa naman nung modang Happy Feet nila. Kala ko, Uste yung tatawagin e. Yung mga mukha ng mga tamaraw, hindi maipinta o. Parang mukha ng mga taga-UP nung inanawns na 1st Runner-up ang Pep nung 2002.

1st Runner-up ang mga itim na bubuyog. Huwaaat? Dapat FEU yan e. Ang kagandahan sa mga taga-Uste, maluwag nilang tinanggap na ang ‘kick for six’ ay tuluyan nang sinipa base sa konseptong ‘there’s no way but down’. Pumalakpak sila at tumalon at nakangiti. Yan ang sport! Saludo.

Pero mensahe para sa babaeng nahulog mula sa pyramid, kargo de konsensiya mo ang di ninyo pagkapanalo. Hala ka….

At itinanghal nga na champion ang UP Pep Squad. Woohooo. Isang malakas na hiyawan at apir tayo diyan. For more balance of nature nga, sabi ni Dimenic. At last. Kulelat man sa basketball, hala, bawi naman sa cheerdance.

Di nga lang ako masyadong makapaniwala sa 0.15 na difference sa score ng UP at Uste. Naisip ko lang, sila kaya ang mananalo kung nagsuot sila ng kulay hepa imbes na kulay kilikili? Kung iba ang costume ng UE ngayon, mag-2nd Runner-up kaya sila?

Kung ang sinuot kaya ng UP for the past 5 years ay yung uniforms ng Uste, mananalo kaya tayo? At kung ang sinuot ng Uste for the past 5 years ay yung mga uniforms ng UP, mananalo PA RIN kaya sila?

Parang mas lalo yata narereinforce ang validity ng theory ko bakit sila nanalo: nasa uniform lang yan! Talagang di na ako makakadaan ng Espanya ng isang taon nito ngayon, malamang. Di ako makakalabas ng buhay. Buwahaha.
Congrats uli sa UP Pep Squad! U–niber—sidad ng Pili-pinas!! Matatalino at matatapang!! Walang takot kahit kanino!!!!

when inday strikes back

Inday is the generic name for ‘housemaid’. During the 80’s and the 90’s, Inday was personified as a freckled Visayan-speaking young woman who is often the subject of ridicule and slapstick in movies and on television.

This year, Inday rose from the lowly ashes to become one of the most popular virtual celebrities to ever hit the text messaging world. Inday is no longer an illiterate provincial lass but a loquacious English-speaking housemaid ready to face and battle Miriam Defensor-Santiago in any debate.

Here are some of the text jokes:

“A change in the weather patterns might have occurred causing havoc to affected surroundings. The way debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind is going northeast, causing damage to the path it is going…” – sagot ni inday sa amo nang tanungin kung bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod-bahay (Inday’s answer when her Master asked her why there were garbage in the backyard)

Amo: Inday di ba nanood ka ng The Buzz kahapon? Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA7? (Inday, you’ve seen The Buzz yesterday, right? Why did Angel Locsin leave GMA7?)
Inday: Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they’ll stay. Leaving can be a tough act and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for doing so.

Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglesira ka… would you please purchase many fishes for our this week’s meals?
Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term “fishes”, although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traveresed the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day’s catch? (Pauses) Aaah… by manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this houshold’s quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple “galewng-gowng”. Am I correct?
Amo: Leche!
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the “ba-ngooz” is it!

“La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor?” – si Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa España (Inday trying to bargain when she went to Spain with her Master)

*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red avriety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive olive
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday (Junior’s lunch prepared by Inday)

“Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!” – reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia (Inday’s reaction while frying tilapia)

“Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market.” – banat ni Inday kung bakit walang “kangkong” sa nilutong sinigang (Inday explains why there’s no chinese spinach in her ‘sinigang’)

“Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the “oriza sativa” which is the scientific name of rice to change its state of color, smell as well as the taste.”- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing (Inday’s explanation why the rice is burnt[?]/burned[?])

“Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!”- si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate… (Inday while shoving a beggar away)

“Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.” – sagot ni Inday nung tanungin ni Sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior (Inday explains when asked by her master why Junior has rashes)

“Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.” – sagot ni Inday nung tanungin kung bakit may bukol si Junior (Inday’s answer when asked by her master about why Junior has a lump on his forehead)

Dear Mom,

Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never lot being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.

Your daughter,
Inday”

“Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

Tatay”

“Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.” – sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff (Inday requests for a day off)

“I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This in accordance with PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and Equipment, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets!” – sagot ni Inday kung bakit niya binenta ang sirang silya (Inday answers why she sold her master’s defective chair)

“Guess what? The not-so stunning guys keeps on staring at my newly manicured nails while the copy-cat-freaks envy my stylish cut mane. Unfortunately after a great day at the spa, I’ve to step on this muddy and stinking place just to purchase some veggies!” – si Inday, nakikipagchikahan sa tindera sa palengke (Inday in the wet market)

“I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifest, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from…” Inday… hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick (Inday can’t sleep because of homesickness)

“I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance.”- Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niya (Inday looks out of the window while thinking of her boyfriend Dodong)

“The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!” – ganito nakipagbreak si Inday kay Dodong [driver ng kapitbahay] (Inday breaks up with Dodong)

Dear Ma’am/Sir:

I hereby tender my irrevocable resignation as your employee effective today. It has been a pleasant stay in your domicile, but owing to personal reasons I am compelled to move on. I would like to thank you and your good management for the wonderful experience accorded to me during my stay.

Yours truly,
Inday

“I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools , and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of work that you want. My creativity, productivity and work efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.” – sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago niyang amo (Inday in an interview with her new employer)

80 Most Favorite Films (#80-76)

Aynish and Dimenic made their lists so I was tempted to make mine. Eighty because.. uh… it’s just 80! Bye! Oh… the list. Disclaimer: They’re my personal favorites, so bear with my taste.

80. THE MIRROR HAS TWO FACES (1996)

“There are two things a woman knows;
what she’s looking for and what she’ll settle for.”

 

Directed by: Barbra Streisand
Starring:
Barbra Streisand, Jeff Bridges, Pierce Brosnan, George Segal, Mimi Rogers, Brenda Vaccaro, Elle Macpherson, Austin Pendleton and Lauren Bacall

Theme Song: I Finally Found Someone – Barbra Streisand and Bryan Adams

Plotline: Rose Morgan (Barbra Streisand) and Gregory Larkin (Jeff Bridges) are two Columbia professors who decide to get married based only on their intellectual common ground.

This romantic comedy is a statement about beauty and sex. Ironically, Jeff Bridges is sooo oozing with sex appeal in this movie. The ooooh-so-oozing-with-sex-appeal Jeff Bridges plays as a Math professor who believes that sex has ruined his life so he places an ad in a newspaper that says, “Columbia University professor (male) seeks a woman interested in common goals and companionship. Must have Ph.D. and be over thirty-five. Physical appearance not important.”

So Rose fits in the category, they get married but contrary to Greg’s assumption, Rose wants to consummate their relationship. After his refusal to do ‘it’, Rose begins to diet, exercise and transforms herself into a swan eventually. The conflict arises. And a happily-ever-after ending follows.

Favorite scene: When Rose wants to have sex with Greg but he evades. And the lecture where Rose says there are three feminine archetypes: the Divine Whore, Medusa and Me. Funny.

79. THE GURU (2002)

“When he talks, women listen.”

Director: Daisy von Scherler
Starring: Jimi Mistry, Heather Graham, Marissa Tomei

Theme Song: Round Round – Sugababes

Plotline: A dance teacher from India comes to America to pursue a normal career but incidentally stumbles into a brief but high-profile career as a sex guru, a career based on a philosophy he learns from a pornographic actress.

This is a funny film. And Jimi Mistry is hot!!! I am not sure if this was theatrically released in the Philippines and if it did, I failed to notice. Three years ago, I saw a dvd copy in Lina’s rack, grabbed it and the rest was history: I officially drooled over Jimi Mistry!

Favorite scene: Jimi Mistry shows his ass over dinner.

78. MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING (2002)

“Love is here to stay… so is her family.”

Director: Joel Zwick
Starring:
Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Lainie Kazan, Mihael Constantine, Ian Gomez

Theme song: All My Only Dreams – The Greek Wedding Band/John Tsifliklis

Plotline: A young Greek woman falls in love with a non-Greek man and struggles to get her family to accept him while she comes to terms with her heritage and cultural identity.

It’s everything Greek you can actually smell it while watching!

Favorite scene: When Ian goes inside her aunt’s travel agency, Toula stumbles and gets tangled by the headset cable. They start to talk. *sparks*

77. HUWAG MONG BUHAYIN ANG BANGKAY (1989)

“Huwag mong buhayin ang bang-kaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy…….
Huwag mong buhayin ang bang—-kaaaaaaaaaayyyyy…….”

Director: Mauro Gia Samonte
Starring: Jestoni Alarcon, Charito Solis, Rita Avila, Ricky Davao, Romnick Sarmenta, Ruben Rustia, Jennifer Sevilla

Plotline: A mother makes a pact with Satan to resurrect her dead son.

Disclaimer. The picture above is not Jestoni Alarcon’s decaying corpse in the movie. It’s actually a sexy photo of him back when he did ST films after his ‘…buhayin ang bangkay’ days. I must admit, Jestoni was hot, he’s still hot now as Marimar’s father. But he was way, way, way yummier as the pre-death pianist.

Alright. I was still a young kid when I saw ‘Huwag mong buhayin ang bangkay’ but I peed in bed everytime I dreamt of Jestoni’s gaze (with his prosthetics-filled face) while playing the piano. This film used to be occasionally shown on tv at night and I remembered Charito Solis, solemnly sitting on her rocking chair.  She gave me chills whenever she tells Jestoni to play the piano. Creepy.

And oh, I remember Ruben Rustia as the devil and Ricky Davao (as the other son) was so thin back then.

Favorite scene: Charito Solis on her rocking chair while listening to resurrected Jestoni playing the piano.

N.B. Tonet, naaalala ko tuloy yung kwento mo kung paano tinawag ni Direk Joyce sina Rita Avila at Jestoni Alarcon sa set ng ‘Marimar’ para mag-reshoot ng scene. Yun pala, pagdating nila, sasabihin lang ni Direk, “Oh, Jestoni, Rita, ire-enact niyo nga ang scene niyo sa ‘Huwag mong buhayin ang bangkay’. Buwahahha.

76. SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)

“To enter the mind of a killer
she must challenge the mind of a madman”

Director: Jonathan Demme
Starring: Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Scott Glenn

Quotable Quote: “A census taker once tried to test me, I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti” — Hannibal Lecter

Plotline: A young FBI cadette must confide in an incarcerated and manipulative killer to receive his help on catching another serial killer who skins his victims.

I was quite young when I saw this film and I didn’t understand it. But I remembered I was so scared of Hannibal Lecter when he killed one police officer and skinned the face of another one before he escaped from his cell. What haunted me more was the image of Buffalo Bill dancing in front of the mirror wearing his victims’ skin, sewn together. And the dog, the cute dog barking so irritatingly.

When I watched it again in film school a few years ago, I realized the film would never be that successful without the brilliant performance of Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins. Jodie is so Clarice Sterling that Julianne Moore was a lousy replacement in ‘Hannibal’.

Favorite scene: Clarice chases Buffalo Bill inside the house with a pistol in her shaking hand.

Soon: Film Numbers 75-70

 

References: http://www.imdb.com; http://www.wikipedia.org;
Photos: http://www.movieposter.com; http://www.meninthephilippines.blogspot.com

My Humps – Alanis Morisette

Yes, she did her own version of the humping, gold-digging ‘My Humps’ originally done by the Black Eyed Peas.

Our own bodies cringe for doses of Alanis and we know we miss the angst that was her, the last song syndrome of a generation that refused to chew boy bands and popstars. The god of Kevin Smith’s Dogma and the icon of rugged, raw harmonica. And we are stuck in her golden, shimmering memories like a broken heart that refuses to stop beating.

We cannot move on. We still want the old Alanis and a take on a pop song like ‘My Humps’ is sitting on the hot seat, about to be swallowed by Boy Abunda’s magic mirror.

READ MORE

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I want not to fuck up. But I always do. I want to sleep on ice and freeze my sweat away. But only my heart is frozen.

I want to go to London. To New York, Sydney, Vienna, Bangkok, Paris, Moscow, Seoul, Tokyo, Melbourne, Scotland, Milan, Amsterdam. To outer space. But I can’t find my way.

I want to take photographs. To write. To talk. To read. About. And of myself.

I want to fly. High. Higher. I want to stand out. To win. To be adulated. But my pedestal is imaginary.

I want mango caramel sundae. Chocolate ice cream. Strawberry. Avocado. Mango. Double Dutch. Halo-halo. Langka. Durian. But I only have pictures of them.

I want to swim. Swim in a spring of money. I wanna fart and laugh at the same time. I wanna kill and be free. I wanna be brilliant. I wanna be what I always not want to be. I wanna pee and defecate at the same time. But I am not sane.

I wanna love. I wanna let go. I wanna say goodbye. I wanna forget. I wanna be. Spice Girls. I’ve gotta be. Des’ree. I’ll be. Edwin McCain. I. 6 Cycle Mind.

Alright. So this is a repost.

erap verdict

Late na ako nagising kahapon kaya sa early evening news ko na lang nalaman na ‘Guilty’ na pala si Erap.  Sa ’24 Oras’, me parte na ininterview yung mga supporters ni Erap about sa reaction nila sa decision.

Me isang middle-aged supporter na lalake (malamang bayaran) na nagsisigaw: Para lang sa mga mayayaman ang hustisya!!!!!

Ai.  Di pala mayaman si Erap.  Kaya nga nagkakaso siya ng plunder Kuya e.  Me isang medyo matanda na ring babae na umiiyak (na halatang for camera purposes lang) at nagngangawa.  Sabi ba naman:   Walang kasalanan si Erap! Wala siyang ginawang masama!  Bakit? Bakit?  Ambait-bait niya.  Ambait-bait niya talaga!!!

Ai (uli).  Close kayo Manang?

Minsan talaga ang Pinoy, tanga. Wala na akong masabi.  Bye.

Britney at the VMAs

Britney’s infamous performance when she opened the MTV Video Music Awards 2007 in Las Vegas last Sunday.  Feast on!

Oh yeah. The locks, her horrible dancing, the shameless lipsynching (that will bury Ashlee Simpson six feet under), the costume… Waaaaaaaah.  She’s loves destroying herself!