Today’s Current Emo Mode: We Used To Be Friends – Dandy Warhols
Foremost, let me declare some very, very crispy eee-weee to the jolog crowd. You know. That part of the populace that was like, being tawagged as “baduy” in the 70s and “bakya” in the 80’s. Iiiii-wiiii talaga.
Like my ex boyps tawagged me as a “jolog” was not degradation enough ‘no. He didn’t kinda explain pa why he tawagged me as such! Giiiir. So inis talaga me. This heart of mine was kinda bleeding talaga po. Because of his kaburgisan, he made mata-mata lang my tatsulok role in the social status as if I’m not paying the taxes to the gobyerno like he does. So pakingshet talaga that guy. Hmf.
I was’t able to tulog in my makeshift kama talaga that night. Am I a jolog ba because I only suot some tsinelas and my soo kakadireee fingers in the paa are not cultured in some spa for the paa salon and was an ex-almost-ingrown-victim? Gawd. I so remember I always tsinelas myself (not Havaianas) even if I go to pangmayaman places like restos in Makati, The Fort, Timog and Ortigas. Eni eni, people were like eeee-wing to my luya-like toenails talaga. Ineees talaga them. O ayan! Here’s my talampakan. You amoy na the singaw coming from my pawisin foot.
Or am I some jolog kasi the only mall I’m familiar with is like SM lang and not some Rockwell or Rustans? Eeeee-weee. I even still ligaw myself when I ikot in the Glorietta no! And such shame na I wasn’t able to go pa to that Market Market sosy place. (Like market is often associated to pobre-ish palengke. And naming such dapat sosy place Market Market is so ridiculous. Whoever came up with that idea!! Just because it’s the English translation of palengke, sosyal na!). O di kaya, in some Greenbelt where I often see so many Pinoys of all kinds making kapit-tuko to their foreigner boyps, notwithstanding their guy’s innate racial amoy and obesity. Giiiiir. Dayum. Gash ha, in the amoy pa lang, these malls are obviously catering na to the different genres of the people of this pakingshet Pilipins no.
Speaking of that sosyal Rockwell once. I was with my other ex boyps, some tsekwa in the making. I was in my ever reliable tsinelas (cue: Yano song). Then the gwardya, a part of this eeee-weee jolog crowd, sita me in front of the people and almost didn’t make me enter! Yaaaaaaaaaak talaga. So I flaunted na lang my fake English accent and gaya my ex boyp tsekwa’s accent. So there, I halo-halo all the accents I knew so I could come up with a foreign language so the gwardiya would be convinced I’m a Vietnamese or Thai foreigner na. Hay. Grabe. I’m not a matinggera naman noh that I will nakaw eni eni inside that pakingshet mall. Or baka they didn’t want some tarnishment in their sosy reputation and their burgis crowd afraiding themselves because some holdupper/squatter looking jolog was roaming around that Rockwell.
And I thought, was I a jolog because I adik myself to local tv shows, some tagalog driven plots, stories and acting that are meant for katulongs and tinderas and all the members of the working class that have nothing to do at night but watch tv? Gash talaga. These elitistas, they fancy themselves with Hollywood stuff, they are being pakalunod by its katae-han coz they think it’s kind of a civilized version of entertainment compared to the pangkatulong soap operas and fantaseryes. And they claim that eeee-weee, “I don’t watch Tagalog movies no!” Sige na nga, payn. Pakshet you all. Most Hollywood tv shows may be great but most Hollywood films are tae in everything no. They’re just glossy but their films are mostly comparably tae with the Pinoy films. Kaya, all of you elitistas who love Hollywood films but don’t watch Tagalogs, pakyu.
Gash. Now that I thought of it na, probably my ex elitista boyps thought I’m jologs coz I mura my mouth like all the squatters who live beside their rich village. Eeee-wee. Like I always say tangena or pakshet or siyeeet as pronounced. Without the pretentious English accent pa. And I subsitute “hey” with “wuy”. Gash. Wonga no. Never did I sabi some “so fetch” or “ayt” and not even did I say “kain na me” or “wat gawa u” in the text. Huwaaaaaah.
If these were so, then I’m a jolog alright. But then again, why do I have to be hiya myself being called so. Like majority of the Pinoys in the universe are jologs. If this term they coined to downgrade their tingin to the masa and separate themselves as gods in the tatsulok status quo, these minority elitistas are MORE jologs and are the real jologs actually, for being worshippers of foreign ideas other than their own—and por dat, they’re educated na daw, intelehensiya crowd na. You know, some high-brow art only they can appreciate kuno. They think highly of themselves because they dala some branded things in their bodies but the truth is, they also ebak and sungkit their kulangots like anybody else.
Most importantly, the masa who coined these elitistas as “coño” are very brilliant. My konyo ex boyps, flaunting his riches, loving this term as he is being tawagged by it not knowing that “coño” is the Chavacano word for puke. Buwaaahahaha. Belat (some pun intended coz bilat is the Visayan version of puke also).
Haaaay. Yawn.. Yawn..
Eeeee-weee! Eeee-weeee!!! Kadereeee!!! Some lacoste making a “tsk tsk tsk” sound over my kisame jumping over my face!!! Eweeeeeeee.